Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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