Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
