I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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