She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
