Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
