I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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