i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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