She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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