Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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