when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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