This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize