wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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