i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
