NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
only you would photoshop your dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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