Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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