I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
