Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
