do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
