if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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