i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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