i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
