if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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