dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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