yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
