some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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