i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
