Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
