A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
