im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
