how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
