So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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