Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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