I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
