Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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