If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
