It's Friday. Sex?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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