exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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