At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
