my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I looked at my own cervix.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize