Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
