my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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