I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
