how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
