you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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