If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
