respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
