singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
