We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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