All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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