I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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