Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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