She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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