I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
