You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize