Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
