had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
