he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
