She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
