I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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