my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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