I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
