tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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