hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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