her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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