i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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