Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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