whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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