i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
