remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
