I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
