Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
