11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm bleeding and have questions
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