Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
