i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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