You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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