I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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