i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
