she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
