its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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