I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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