With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
