I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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