She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
