im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
