rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
