Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
