I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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