i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
