Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
