You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
