Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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