I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
