Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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