Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
