I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sober January is a disaster.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
