Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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