it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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