Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
