im having a threesome with these popsicles
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
