"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
