I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
