for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will pee on everything he values.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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