dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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