i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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