Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
