Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
